Recently, I observed a parent tell their child to cover their mouth when the child coughed. No big deal. Here is the issue though: in about an hour time frame she told him 15 times. Not once did the child cover his mouth. He simply ignored her.
What went wrong? Why could she not teach her son this simple skill?
There are two issues here: No shared control and no consequence.
How many of us like to be TOLD what to do? Not me. So how about instead of mom giving a command “cover your mouth” she says “so sad about your cough (empathy) what do you want to do next time you have to cough, cover your mouth or cough in the inside of your elbow? If the child chooses one of the two options, the odds go up that he will actually do one of those good choices. Shared control can also be used with the tool “ownership of the problem”. Here are the steps to hand this problem back to the child:
- Empathetic response such as, “So sad about your cough…”
- Ask: “What do you think you can do to not put all you germs on others?”
- Ask: “Do you want some ideas?”
- Allow the child to decide from one of the ideas you both come up with.
Now IF the child engages in the brainstorming, the odds will go up that he will cover his mouth. The great thing about this approach of shared control is that when the child does engage with the better choice, you get to give a lot of praise! The child grows in relationship with you and in self-confidence.
We learn through experience, how many of you refrain from speeding because you got a speeding ticket once? I sure do.
Kids need an experience that teaches them what to do and what not to do. It’s actions that turn our words into gold. So what would this look like for our coughing child?
It’s simple. They are sent to time out for not covering their mouth. It is not our first choice but it will work. Jim Fay from the Love and Logic Institute always shares that a parent can use time out for ANYTHING you don’t like. Here is what it looks like:[Johnny coughs without covering their mouth.]
Parent: “Johnny, please cover your mouth next time you cough, germs go on other people.”[Johnny coughs again and does not cover their mouth.]
Parent: “Uh-oh time to go to time-out for not covering your mouth” (here are suggested steps to time out.)
One More Thing
Sometimes kids need training to help them learn to cover their mouth, especially with brain-stem reactions. Coughing is natural response to keep the airway clear. So a child might need to practice covering their mouth and brainstorming how it feels when a cough is coming on so that they can cover their mouth. This is another time that “Ownership of the Problem” can be used. Have fun with this!
If you are interested in this post, you may also like: